


These Moments

by 51stcenturygirl



Series: My future is our future and I will spend it with you [3]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Allies, Angst, Anxiety, Blackmail, Christmas, Depression, Friendship, Gen, Homophobia, Humor, Ice Skating, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mistletoe, New Year's Eve, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Telegram, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:15:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28615668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/51stcenturygirl/pseuds/51stcenturygirl
Summary: Thomas and Richard's relationship is put to the test.
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis
Series: My future is our future and I will spend it with you [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077305
Comments: 12
Kudos: 47





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for suicidal thoughts and homophobia later on in several chapters.

_ It was dark. Apart from the soft glow of the moon casting beautiful shadows across the room, giving the two of them a glow that made them resemble ornate marble statues. His hands gliding down Richard's naked back, his legs circling his waste, pulling Richard closer, not wanting to let go for a second. The feel of past kisses, from seconds before, on his skin, and the feel of new kisses making their mark. Breathing fast and getting faster. Neither able to give in. Both together, caught up as one in this moment. Begging time to slow down, or stop altogether. A feeling of euphoria, and... _

Thomas woke with a start to the ringing of his alarm. It took him a moment to realise that he had been dreaming again, and he had to look to the side of him to remind himself that he was alone. Sighing and cursing his alarm for the moment it interrupted his dream, he laid his head down again on the pillow for a moment, before sighing again and getting up. It was still dark, being mid October, the chill of winter starting to set in, giving Thomas another reason to question the importance of getting out of bed. As he got dressed and ready for the day, he hoped that today would be busy with lots for him to do to distract him. He had a lot on his mind at late, his dream confirming that, and he needed a distraction.

...

Thomas was staring into his cup of tea, whilst sitting at the head of the table in the servants hall, at breakfast. His fingers absent-mindedly fiddling with the butter knife that was on the table beside him. Most of the staff ate breakfast at Downton, even those who didn't live in anymore, so Thomas had plenty of company, but none interested him at the moment. All he could think of was him. His lips on his. His hands wondering. His smile and his laugh. Richard had a beautiful laugh... 

Thomas shook his head quickly, as if to dismiss these thoughts. It was hard to though. His dream last night wasn't the first and he was certain it won't be the last. Ever since there trip away together to London, they had grown even closer. Thomas re-read the letter Richard had handed him at the station, just before boarding the train, all the time. The memories of their time together over those days, warmed his heart thinking about it. But they also hurt. Having to be parted after such a short time and for so long, was painful. He wanted him back, right now. The other thing was that it had been almost two weeks since Richard's last letter to him. Circumstances had led to letters being delayed before for both of them, so Thomas wasn't too concerned, but it created a small feeling of doubt at the back of his mind that he couldn't quite shake off.

"Not sure your tea is going to answer all your problems, Mr Barrow, we'd all be carefree if it had such power," Mrs Bates said, from a couple of seats down the table from him, snapping Thomas out of his daydream. Thomas blinked, coming back to reality. "What's the matter?" she asked.

Thomas smiled politely, covering up his real feelings as he had done so many times before, "Just memories, nothing to worry about," he answered carefully, not wanting to give anything away in front of everyone. He trusted most people sitting at the table, but still wouldn't want to blurt out everything he was thinking about. With that, he got up, nodded in acknowledgement to everyone at the table standing with him, and walked out the room to his office, hoping he could find something to take his mind off his thoughts there.


	2. 2

_ A few weeks earlier... _

Richard sat in one of the more comfy chairs by the fireplace in the servants hall at the palace. Most of the staff had done their work today and were either sitting in the same room as him or were up in their rooms. Richard preferred to spend his spare time down near the fire in his favourite chair as the bedrooms were freezing, only in the summer were they warm enough and even then, he'd rather be outside. He, of course, wrote his letters to Thomas in the privacy of his own room. He was grateful that he didn't have to share his room with anyone else for that reason. He had plans of writing another, but was distracted when a letter had arrived for him earlier in the day, which he had only just got the time to read. Since he wasn't exactly going to read the letter out loud for all to hear, he didn't see the harm in reading it downstairs in the relative company of others. No one seemed to question why he got letters with the same postmark so regularly, some assumed he had an admirer though they didn't know who. There were a few people he worked alongside that knew about him and who didn't seem to mind, and others who didn't have a clue as far as he knew, but he never mentioned Thomas to anyone. There were so many more people who could find out here, than at Downton, and unlike Thomas, he couldn't trust everyone he worked with. It was too much of a risk. Richard had friends, some who were like him, outside of the palace who knew about him and his relationship with Thomas. Those people he knew he could trust, and he was grateful to know them and to have their loyalty, as he would go mad if he couldn't talk about the context of some of the letters he got from Thomas, with someone. He wondered if Thomas could do the same.

It was hard to hide his reactions to reading some of the things that Thomas wrote. He couldn't hide the smile that crept onto his face, or the laugh when Thomas wrote something funny, either about them both or something that had happened in his world. Thomas was always telling him stories of events at Downton, which he enjoyed hearing. Then there were the sentences that made Richard's heart skip several beats, such as the opening line of this letter;  _ "I had another dream about you last night, about us. Sometimes I wish I could stay in those dreams where everything is perfect, where you and me are one..."  _ They had both agreed ages ago, after their first night together that they should remove their names and even their initials, from the letters they send, just in case they are ever discovered. It was a precaution, but also they knew automatically who was sending the letter and it was written for, so there was no need anymore. The letters between them were more of a conversation than a formal correspondence anyway. Richard smiled as he read the last line,  _ "Forever yours."  _ Thomas would always end he letters like that. Richard looked at the clock on the wall, which confirmed that he should be heading to bed now if he was to get enough sleep to prevent him from completing the next day whilst sleep-walking. He got up reluctantly, and put his letter down on the table whilst he went to get a glass of water from the kitchens.

...

Arthur Bennett, sat at the opposite side of the table to the fireplace. He had been reading the paper, as he did most evenings before bed, but was distracted from his reading from the small laughs coming from Richard who was busy reading the latest of the letters he had received, and who seemed to be in a world of his own. Richard seemed to be getting letters more and more, and they weren't all coming from his parents either. He knew that much. Several staff members, mostly the younger ones who liked to gossip, thought he had a sweetheart, some girl he would go and see. He agreed that Richard had an admirer yes, but it was strange that he would want to keep that person so secret. Maybe he had to keep  _ him _ secret. That was his guess. So when Richard left the room and left the open letter on the table, Arthur went to have a look at the letter for himself...

...

Richard yawned as he took off his shirt in his room, he had stayed downstairs too long once again. But he was distracted. He smiled at the thought of the cause of this distraction- then remembered he had left the letter downstairs. He was just about to pull his shirt back on again, in order to go down and fetch it, when he noticed it had been slipped underneath his door. Richard picked up the letter, wondering who had returned it to him, and how they knew it even belonged to him, since it wasn't addressed to him. His wondering turned to worry as he saw the letter had a note attached to the top of it:  _ "I know your secret." _


	3. 3

Thomas was looking at the pile of letters sitting in front of him on his desk which had come in the morning post earlier. He was hating the feeling of hope he'd get every time the post arrived, only for there to be nothing for him. He hated the feeling of disappointment. It had been over a month now since he last heard from Richard, he just didn't get it. They were in a good place with their relationship, he thought. His last letter from him showing no signs whatsoever of any trouble between them. He even said  _ 'I miss you, darling'  _ towards the end of that letter. Thomas knew that phrase, and every other from that letter off by heart now, as he had read it thousands of times. So he couldn't work out what was wrong, because clearly something is wrong. His first thought was is Richard okay? Is he unwell or too ill to write? Have they been found out and Richard been subsequently arrested? If so he would have been arrested himself as well, unless Richard took the fall for him. He would do that, Thomas thought. But surely he would have heard from Izzie if something terrible had happened. So maybe it was more complicated than that. Maybe this long distance relationship of theres was finally becoming too much. Maybe Richard wanted someone who was close enough to him so that they could see each other everyday. Afterall, since they first met, they had only spent around one week in total actually in each other's company, despite having known each other for a few years now. Maybe he had stopped writing because he had found someone else. Perhaps it's as simple as that. Thomas sighed, got up from his chair, walked around to the window then sat straight back down, resting his head on the table with a groan. He just couldn't stand this. He just needed to know. One way or another. Least then he could try and carry on living, instead of just surviving one day to the next.

...

Later that evening, whilst sitting down to dinner Thomas' thoughts start to get the better of him. He had managed to distract himself with the day's tasks pretty well, but whenever he was idle, all his doubts came flooding back to the front of his mind. He had hardly touched his food and honestly felt no desire to eat it at all. "Is anything the matter Mr Barrow?" Miss Baxter asked from a few seats down the table. She had noticed Thomas' mood had been far from his usual self of late.

Thomas looked up, his face wearing that expression that was meant to give nothing of his true emotions or feelings away, whilst telling whoever it was directed towards to back off, "What's it to you?" he answered coldly.

"No need for that Mr Barrow, she's only concerned that you seem upset," Mrs Hughes said.

"Well it's really none of your business is it?" Thomas snapped, catching Mrs Hughes and the others sitting around the table by surprise. Thomas hardly ever spoke like this, not these days. "I don't see why I have to spill all my concerns and problems onto you all."

"We might be able to help," Mr Bates said.

Thomas glared in his direction and stood up suddenly, "I doubt any of you could ever hope to understand, let alone help me. This is beyond you all. Now if you excuse me, I have no appetite." With that, Thomas marched out the room, a door slamming a few seconds later; not the behaviour they would normally expect from the butler of Downton Abbey.

"What's got into him of late?" Mr Bates said. "It's like the old Thomas has come back with a vengeance."

"I suppose everyone has bad days," Mrs Hughes said, sipping her tea.

"It's not just a bad day, it's been going on for weeks. He seems less cheery of late. Yes not a word I would have used to describe Thomas, but he's been like a changed man for years," Mr Bates replied.

"Especially when he receives letters from London," Miss Baxter said, before realising what she had said.

"What do you mean by that?" Mrs Bates asked, already knowing the answer.

"Perhaps Thomas is right and it is none of our business. Gossip on such matters could only get him into trouble." Miss Baxter replied. Mr Bates thought for a moment before realising the cause of Thomas' bad moods.

"And he hasn't received anything for a long time now has he?" Mr Bates said, thinking back to the time when he was in prison and his letters from Anna had stopped. He remembered the heartache that gave him.

"He and Mr Ellis must be having a few problems," Mrs Bates said. Everyone who was sitting around the table knew about Thomas and Richard's relationship, and none sitting here would ever dream of using it against Thomas, so her words were safe, though she still spoke in a lowered tone.

"Perhaps, although I describe Thomas' demeanor as one that shows worry rather than anger. I think he is concerned about Richard, not angry at him," Miss Baxter suggested. "I just hope it doesn't send him on a downward spiral again."


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for references to attempted suicide and suicidal thoughts

Thomas was exhausted. It was only mid-morning but he felt like he had been working non-stop for days. He hadn't been sleeping well, he didn't eat a proper evening meal last night either. He had only picked at some toast at breakfast this morning, he just didn't seem to have any appetite for food or anything much really. The things that usually made him smile no longer did, day to day tasks that he found satisfying to complete just frustrated him. He tried to have a smoke outside this morning like he used to, he hadn’t even thought about smoking in ages, but gave up when his hands were shaking from worry and weakness so much that he couldn't hold the lighter still enough. This was torture and it was killing him. 

He buried his head in his hands, breathing shaky breaths into them, turning the palms of his hands moist. A knock on the door made him look up, and he tried to regain a little bit of composure. Andy walked in, pushing the door to, but not shutting it completely, "Mr Barrow, I was wondering if I can have a word?" Thomas sighed inwardly, this usually meant that someone wanted to complain about something or to ask for a favour and he wasn't in the mood for either.

"Yes, what is it?" Thomas asked, trying to remain professional.

"Well, um..." Andy hesitated, he wasn't sure if he had picked a very good moment to ask Mr Barrow for a favour. He looked exhausted and like he was about to fly off the handle at any moment. "Daisy has her day off on this coming Saturday and I was wondering if you would be able to move my day off to this coming Saturday too? I would like to take her out. It's been a while since we got to spend any time together." Andy held his breath, he wasn't sure why, but now he really did feel this was the worst time to ask for this from Thomas.

Thomas placed one hand on his forehead, half covering the frown on his face. His eyes directed down towards his desk when he sighed again, angrily. "I can't spare you on Saturday Andy and besides I can't keep granting you and Daisy all these special favours." Thomas uttered those last two words with an especially bitter tone. "If I keep favouring you two then I would have to do the same for every member of staff here. I mean, you two get to see each other every day anyway, and you would only have to wait another week or so until your days off match anyway. I'm sure you could manage to wait a week. I have no choice but to wait longer than you two or anyone else in this damn house ever will!" Thomas practically shouted that last sentence and Andy was left in shock. He's seen Thomas spiteful and moody but not like this. Never like this. He mumbled an apology for wasting Mr Barrow's time and quickly left the room before he could make the situation any worse.

Mrs Hughes happened to be walking down the stairs near Thomas' office, and had overheard the last of that conversation. Andy looked rather bewildered when he closed the door. "I'll see if I can talk to him for you and Daisy, Andy," Mrs Hughes said. "He's going through a lot right now. You know when Thomas feels scared and worried he reacts by acting out and taking his sadness out everyone around him," she said sadly.

"Thank you Mrs Hughes," Andy with a disappointed look on his face, before walking away.

...

Thomas instantly regretted his outburst towards Andy. He knew Andy didn't deserve one bit of his anger and worry. He wanted to run out there and take back every word he just said, but a small slither of pride stopped him. He stood up and paced around the room in frustration. Maybe Richard wasn't good for him, perhaps he wasn't meant to have him or anyone, if this is what a relationship does to him. Perhaps he was broken, that his attraction to men was a design fault. Maybe he really has been 'twisted by nature into something foul', as Mr Carson had said to him all those years ago. His mind wouldn't stop racing, every unwelcome thought that he had thought had gone away was coming back, out to get him, and he couldn't escape his own mind. He took off his jacket and in his anger threw across the room, where he heard the buttons collide with the cupboard door opposite him. If that wasn't enough, he picked up the glass on his desk that had previously contained whisky and threw it against the wall where it smashed, hundreds of shining glass pieces shattering and falling to the floor. He put his face to the wall, feeling tears start to build up in his eyes, then turned around with his back against the wall, where he slid down towards the floor and onto his knees. He hunched over, lowering his head to the ground and let the tears fall with uncontrollable sobs. He looked up for a brief moment, tears blurring his vision, and looked down to the raised scars on the insides of both his wrists. A reminder of how low he had once been before, and how it was nothing compared to the pain he felt now. A small evil voice in his mind told him,  _ 'There is always a way out Mr Barrow. You found it once, you almost made it out before.' _ He never wanted to go back there. But at the moment he was beginning to give into the darkness.


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for homophobic language and description of panic attacks

**Buckingham Palace**

Richard sighed as he pulled himself out of bed, he had little sleep for weeks, he was too restless and full of worry over his future. A blackmailer for someone like him was almost impossible to find a way out of, and almost certainly meant sacrificing his livelihood and happiness. He had received a few more unsigned notes over the past few weeks. Whoever this was clearly was enjoying his or herself at building up a mountain of panic inside him. He had been clumsy whilst working, and instead of being his usual confident self he was becoming afraid of everything around him, even if the tiny part of logic still left in his mind was telling him that there was no need most of the time. He began to question people's looks in his direction, he jumped when he heard someone speak his name, and he found that when he was out walking and travelling around London he felt like people were watching him. He once took a long route back to the palace when he thought he was being followed by a policeman. This was messing with his mind. He looked at the latest notes that were left under his door in the evening:  _ 'Maybe it wouldn't be so bad in prison, Richard. You and your dirty little secret might even get to share a cell together.'  _ The other read:  _ 'I always wondered if your many visits to York were just to see your parents. I think I've guessed where he is from.'  _ The last note especially made his blood run cold. How could this person possibly know where Thomas was. What if they sent the police to Downton to arrest him? Again, logic told him that all this person could know is that Richard's lover was in York, and that wasn't even really true since Downton was only near York. But telling himself this didn't put his mind to rest at all. He wondered how Thomas was doing. He was worried about what he must think. In a way this was all the easier for him because he knew that he still wanted Thomas and that he still loved him. Thomas, on the other hand, must have his mind filled with all sorts of doubts as he has no idea what situation is happening. Richard knows how insecure Thomas once was, and he has enjoyed seeing Thomas embrace his true self more and become happier and stronger. He doesn't want to send Thomas back into the realms of depression and self doubt again. He misses Thomas. He closes his eyes for a minute, savouring the memory of his face, his smile and dashing good looks, his laugh. He can still feel the softness of his lips on his own, his touch, the smell of his cologne. He has these memories at least, but he is fearful of the time when he will lose even those.

Later that evening after he had set out the king's night clothes and finished off a few mundane tasks that needed to be done, Richard decided to walk to Izzie's house, to tell her about what's happening to him and Thomas. He can trust her absolutely and hopes that she can give him some idea of how to try and fix this situation. It was quite a distance on foot and he could have taken the underground but he needed to think. Richard walked through St James' Park. This time of evening there were still a few people around, walking along the main paths lit by the occasional street lamp. If Richard was in a happier mood, it might have looked beautiful in the dark. He passed the exact bench that he and Thomas had sat on talking and eating ice cream on Thomas' visit to London several months ago. But once again, despite trying to escape the doubts and worries in his mind, he felt uneasy. Perhaps walking to Izzie's was a bad idea after all as he could swear that he felt someone following him again. He tried to dismiss the thought, telling himself that this was only his fear speaking. But his instincts kept telling him otherwise and the more he walked, quickening his pace, the more he was convinced he could hear footsteps several paces behind him. They were heavy sounding footsteps; a man's footsteps, that quickened as Richard quickened his. He decided to put his theory to the test and came to a sudden stop in the path. The footsteps behind him stopped too. Richard started walking again, and the footsteps continued. He thought if he could make it to the street then whoever was following him wouldn't be so likely to attack him in the open. He cut off from the main path onto a smaller unlit path that he knew would be a shortcut. He was on the verge of making a run for it when he heard the person cough. He recognised that cough, it belonged to one of the footmen at the palace. Now that he knew this person worked alongside him, Richard came to the quick conclusion that this footman must be the same person blackmailing him. Richard wasn't quite sure why he did what he did next, but he stopped again suddenly and turned around quickly. Facing him was the figure of a man that he recognised, as he approached him, as Arthur Bennett. "So you guessed it was me, after all these weeks Richard. Took you a while to figure it out," Arthur sneered as he walked slowly up to Richard.

Richard's heart was pounding so much that he could barely hear what Arthur was saying. "Why are you following me Arthur?" Richard asked abruptly.

Arthur laughed unpleasantly, as if he was enjoying the note of fear in Richard's voice. "I wanted to see where you were heading too. Wanted to make sure that you, as a member of the royal household, are not breaking the law on your evening off."

"Have you taken on the role of the police force all of a sudden?" Richard answered back, instantly regretting provoking him.

"Hmm no, but if I say so they could be here for you. I know what disgusting things you perverts get up to in the dark. The fact that you hide in the shadows is enough to confirm your guilt I reckon." It wasn't the first time Richard had been spoken to in such a way, not by a long shot, but it struck fear into him deeply. No one would take his side if it came to that. He was vulnerable and he hated it. He found himself unable to say anything. "Someone like you wouldn't last two minutes in a prison. They would break you and you would tell them who your  _ boyfriend  _ is. Either that or I could find out beforehand. From what he wrote to you in that letter, he seems like the soft sort, like he's kind of pathetic."

"Don't speak about him like that!" Richard exclaimed. Richard wanted to tell him that Thomas is twice as brave as you will ever be, but couldn't get the words out.

"Aww sweet," Arthur mocked, laughing. "Men shouldn't be weak like you both. Should put you all down like rabid dogs in my opinion."

Richard took a step forward. "What do you want Arthur? You obviously want something,” he said, in an effort to stop the flood of abuse coming from Arthur’s mouth.

"Alright fine. I want you to do exactly as I say. I want you to go to Mr Wilson tomorrow and resign. Once you have done so, I want you to recommend me as a replacement for your position. Only then will I say nothing."

"You won't keep your word. I've known people like you before," Richard said.

"Well that will be up to me. Depends how generous I am feeling at the time," Arthur said, before turning and walking away, laughing. Richard didn't know what sort of inner strength had kept him from collapsing with fear when Arthur had been there, but whatever it was, it had gone now and despite always trying to remain strong, he fell to the ground, not caring about the mud on the path beneath him as he held his head in his hands, trying and failing to stop the attack of rapid breathing and shaking coursing through his body at that moment. The last time he was like this was after the war, when he had a breakdown. He was living a different kind of war now, one that he would have to try to win on his own.


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for suicidal thoughts

Thomas ran his hand through his hair as he sat at the head of the table in the servants hall. Dinner was being cleared away, he had eaten, but only for the sake of survival. He still had no enthusiasm for it, despite that fact that it normally would have been one of his favourites. He wondered if Mrs Hughes or Miss Baxter had requested that Mrs Patmore cooked something they knew he liked. He knew he must look awful, he certainly felt it. He felt the same way he felt when he came down with flu one winter, except he wasn't ill like that this time. He knew that he got worried or confused glances from several of the other staff sitting at the table this evening. He thought some of them must have put two and two together by this point. His outburst towards Andy a few days ago had been talked about a lot, just not when he was around, but he knew anyway. As people gradually dispersed from the table, he got up too; "I'm going out for a walk," he told Mrs Bates, who was still sitting at the table with her husband. "I need to clear my head a little."

"It will be getting dark soon Mr Barrow, do you want any company?" she asked.

"No don't worry about that. Besides you two must be needing to get back home yourselves soon. I wouldn't want to hold you up. I just need some time alone, I know my way around out there well enough," Thomas replied, trying to sound more upbeat and reassuring.

Thomas turned and walked out the room and upstairs to fetch his hat and coat. "You'll be alright won't you?" she said, looking concerned.

"Off course I will," Thomas said with another fake smile.

"What's the matter, Anna?" Mr Bates asked his wife, after Thomas had left the room.

"I don't know, just a feeling. Thomas has been rather low recently, I guess it's just memories," she stopped herself from saying more. Her husband didn't know about any of that, she along with a few others keep that secret of Mr Barrow's.

...

Several hours later and everyone was starting to contemplate going home, or turning in for the night. Mr and Mrs Bates were just about to go and collect their son from the nursery before heading back to their cottage. "Mr Barrow not back yet?" Andy asked walking into the room and collapsing in the armchair near the fire. Mrs Bates shot a worried look towards Mrs Hughes, who also was about to head back to her and Mr Carson's cottage, and Miss Baxter.

"He's been gone several hours," Andy said. "Should we go and look for him?"

"He wanted some time alone, maybe it would be best to wait a little before going to find him," Mr Bates said. Miss Baxter, got up suddenly, walking as fast as she could up the stairs to the servants rooms and the men's corridor. She returned a few minutes later with a worried look on her face.

"Mrs Hughes, Andy, Anna can I have a word in private please?" She asked. Mrs Hughes, seeing her worry, ushered them all into her sitting room.

"What's the matter?" Mrs Hughes asked, once the door was closed.

"Something made me go and check in Thomas' room and..." Miss Baxter paused. "His razor blade is missing, it's not in his room or the bathroom."

"Oh my!" Mrs Hughes exclaimed as the penny dropped.

"He wouldn't again, would he? He's not that bad is he?" Andy said.

"We mustn't wait a moment longer to find out," Mrs Hughes said. "Right, get your coats and some torches, we must find him. Any idea where he might have gone Miss Baxter? He tends to speak to you the most."

Miss Baxter thought for a moment, "He often went for walks in the woods on his own on his half days. And when Richard came back to visit the first time, he took him for a walk by the river and then around some fields to show him the Downton estate."

"Right, Andy and I will take the woods and the lanes around them. Will you be okay on looking by the river on your own?" Mrs Hughes asked.

"Yes I can do that," Miss Baxter answered, her own safety wasn't really very high on her list of priorities right now.

"Anna, can you and Mr Bates stay back here in case he comes back?"

"Yes, we'll do that. I haven't told him about what Thomas did to himself on that day, I may have to if I am going to get him to understand the urgency of the situation. He won't judge Thomas harshly for it." Mrs Hughes nodded in agreement as they left her sitting room and quickly prepared to leave.

Before heading out the door, Mrs Hughes turned to Anna and said, " Can you get one of the hallboys to run down to my cottage and let Mr Carson know that I will be home late? I wouldn't want him to worry."

"Of course," Mrs Bates said.

...

Thomas sat on a bench near the river in the dark. He had been there for hours lost in his thoughts, watching the light fade from the sky first into a grey sort of colour and then into total darkness. There weren't any stars or the moon as it was cloudy and had been raining earlier in the day, making the seat he was sitting on damp underneath him. He didn't really know what he was doing there. His feet just moved and carried him in this direction, dictating his journey. He shivered against the cold breeze coming from the trees behind him. It was so different to the time when Richard had been with him, both of them sitting talking about things they had dared not speak to anyone about before, back when they were first getting to know each other. Back then, the night had been a comfort and their surroundings peaceful and beautiful. Now he felt on edge, every howl of the wind, every sound of branches rubbing together in the trees behind him. The feeling that he was in danger from some unseen presence lurking in the darkness. But despite this he didn't feel the desire to run. He shivered again, putting his hands into his coat pockets, where he felt the cool touch of his razor blade. He knew why he took it, but didn't know if he had the confidence to use it again as this time, he knew what dying feels like and he didn't like it. His thoughts jumped back to Richard again, how Richard had taken Thomas' hand and about how he had kissed Richard gently, their first kiss out in the open. He then remembered his promise to Richard, that he would never do this to himself again. Something inside him at that moment gave him a burst of strength and with that thought he stood up and threw the razor blade into the river in front of him, which felt strangely satisfying. He then heard footsteps, not imagined ones this time but real ones, a woman's footsteps he thought. He turned in the direction that the sound of them was coming from and then saw the flash of a torch coming along the path towards him. It wasn't until the figure was a lot closer to him that he could finally see who it was. "Miss Baxter? What are you doing here?"

"Oh thank god we found you!" She exclaimed, rushing towards him, and to Thomas' surprise, flinging her arms around him. "We were worried we were too late."

"Too late for what?" Thomas asked, momentarily confused. "Were you looking for me?"

Miss Baxter stepped back from Thomas, "You have been gone for hours Thomas. We were worried that something had happened. You don't have it with you then?"

"Have what with me?"

"Your razor blade. I'm sorry I may have come to the wrong conclusion when I saw it was missing," Miss Baxter said.

Thomas then realised what they must all have been thinking. A little part of him was warmed by their concern for his welfare. "I'm afraid you weren't totally wrong," he said, sitting down again. "I didn't really know what I was doing. I didn't know if I'd use it or not." Miss Baxter sat down next to him.

"Where is it now?" She asked.

"I don't have it anymore, I threw it in the river a minute or so before you turned up," Thomas answered. He heard Miss Baxter sigh with relief, which made him feel guilty about making them worry like that.

"Why did you do that?" she asked.

Thomas thought for a moment whether he should answer that question honestly. "Richard made me promise not to do that again. He knows everything. I don't know how he feels about me anymore, but I will never break a promise to him." Miss Baxter, was not surprised who had persuaded Thomas not to use it, she knew about his relationship with Richard. It wasn't hard to guess. But she was shocked by the strength in Thomas' voice when he said it. She knew he valued people's loyalty highly, but this was something stronger than just loyalty. Love maybe? "I'm sorry if I hurt you by making you scared. I don't know what the future holds, but I promise you that I will try not to hurt you again." Miss Baxter said nothing, just put her arm around Thomas as a way of a thank you. 

"You're shivering, we should get you back before you catch a cold," She said.

"Before we go. Can I ask you something?" Thomas said nervously. "Will you help me find some answers? To what's happened or what's happening. I just need to know something. One way or another."

"I promise I will help you. The others who are out looking for you tonight will help too, I'm sure of it. We're your family Mr Barrow."

...

Mrs Hughes and Andy returned to Downton, to the welcome news that Mr Barrow had been found alive and well. Mrs Bates had since gone home with her husband and son, she had explained everything that happened to Thomas and the fears they had when he went missing, to him. She made him promise not to tell anyone about it. Mrs Hughes found Thomas in his room in bed, a hot cup of tea in his hand. Miss Baxter sitting in a chair across from his bed. She was pleased to see Thomas looking more relaxed than he had been in weeks. Miss Baxter had explained to her that Thomas had wanted to speak to them both in private. She closed the door and sat on the end of the bed. "Thank you for coming. I just wanted to say a few things. Firstly, thank you for finding me and I'm sorry if I have caused you worry. Not just now but over these past weeks," Thomas looked down into his tea, looking very childlike in that moment of vulnerability. "Also, I would like your help. To find some answers out. I have been thinking, and I would rather know bad news than none."

"You want us to find out what is going on with Richard?" Mrs Hughes asked.

"Yes. I want to try and find out what is going on at least. If he's in danger, contacting the palace is not a good idea," Thomas said. "But an idea came to me, that I should have thought of ages ago." Mrs Hughes, already felt lifted by the determination in his voice. "When I went to see him in London, we stayed one of his friends' house. She is called Izzie and I have her telephone number. She may be able to shed some light on what's going on."

"I'd say that sounds like a good way to start," Miss Baxter said. "I will call her tomorrow morning first thing if you like. Might be best for your, and Richard's safety, if you don't directly get involved in this."

Thomas nodded slowly in agreement. "Yes, thank you." He finished the last of his tea, before yawning.

"You should get some sleep Mr Barrow," Mrs Hughes said. "Don't worry about getting up early tomorrow. I'll explain to Lady Mary and Lord Grantham that you need a morning off. I'm sure they'd understand."

...

Miss Baxter stood in Mr Barrow's office, waiting to be connected to Izzie on the telephone, Mrs Hughes sitting in her chair. "Hello, you don't know me but my name is Phyllis Baxter from Downton Abbey, I am a friend of Thomas. I believe yourself and him have a mutual friend." Mrs Hughes listened in, holding her breath. "Thomas is in a bad way, he's very concerned about him." Miss Baxter said, followed by more silence as Izzie on the other end of the line responded. "Oh that would be great if you could get him to do that. It would be best coming from him." More silence, listening into telephone conversations was so much harder than listening in on normal conversations. "Thank you very much. Have a good day, bye." Miss Baxter put the phone down and turned to Mrs Hughes with a smile on her face, "I think this will make Thomas' day."

...

**A few days later**

A telegram arrives...

DEAREST T (STOP)

MEET ME BY THE RIVER WHERE WE FIRST TALKED IN TWO DAYS TIME AT SUNSET (STOP) 

I WILL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING (STOP)

YOURS

R E


	7. 7

**One day ago...**

Richard sat on the edge of his bed in the dark watching the rain as it hit the window of his room at Buckingham Palace. He had been there for hours he thought, though he had been so caught up in the whirlwind that was going on in his mind, that he didn't even notice the time. He should be sleeping though. He would be so tired tomorrow. But he had to think of something, he couldn't give in to Arthurs demands. But he was running out of time, he would have to go to Mr Wilson in the morning and tell him that he was leaving otherwise. Without giving him any notice too, so he doubted that he would get any reference at all. He put his head in his hands, then realised they were still covered in dried mud from the path he fell down onto earlier that evening. He wished there was someone who could put an idea into his head, something that would save both his job and his relationship with Thomas. Thomas would come up with something to get back at Arthur. He was sure that Thomas, during his younger days had done his own fair share of scheming and blackmailing. Probably not something to be proud of, but sometimes a necessary skill. He would blackmail him back, Richard thought. Richard jumped, as a sudden thought came into his mind. That was it! He had an idea, it was a little dangerous and risky, but it could work and if it did, he thought, it could work very well indeed.

...

A few hours later, or the next morning, Richard was in the king's private rooms after arranging his clothes and accessories for the coming day. He was almost done, when he put on a pair of white gloves that were meant for stopping any marks from getting on the jewelry when it was being moved for cleaning. He picked up a pair of cufflinks and a red stone signet ring- both very important and something that would be missed. Yes, he thought, these would do perfectly.

An hour or so later, Richard was searching the servants quarters for Arthur, and was pleased to find that he was nowhere to be seen, meaning he must still be upstairs serving breakfast. With that in mind, and when no one was about to see him, which took sometime as the morning was alive with activity, he quickly made his way up to the servants quarters and the men's rooms. Arthur's was a couple of rooms down from his own, which was probably why it was so easy for him to slip those notes under his door, Richard thought. Thankfully, the doors to the rooms had no locks, and so Richard was easily able to slip into Arthur's room. This was the most risky part, if Arthur or anyone else found him in this room or saw him coming out of it, then he would be done for. Afterall, technically he was the one who was really stealing the king's jewelry. This was a very underhand method of fixing this situation, but he had no time to come up with anything else. Richard wasted no more time, and hid the cufflinks and ring in the draw next to the bed. He couldn't hide them too well, as he intended for them to be found a short while later.

Later on, an hour or so after lunch and Richard was busy fixing a button that had come loose on a shirt. Despite all the panic and worry that still possessed him, he was trying very hard to appear as if nothing was amiss at all. He was still waiting on the cufflinks and ring to be reported missing. He was a little concerned that maybe they won't be missed for several days, which would do him no good. Arthur was giving him looks, that were meant to indicate how his time to stop him from reporting him was running out fast. Luckily, before too long a very unhappy and stressed Mr Wilson came down the stairs and into the servants hall. "A number of very valuable and important pieces of jewelry, belonging to his majesty, have gone missing. I can only think they must have been taken."

"I wouldn't jump to any conclusions, Mr Wilson. Items have gone missing before, and turned up," Richard said, whilst maintaining the calmest look he could muster.

"Did you take them to be cleaned at any point?" Mr Wilson asked.

"What items exactly are you referring to?" Richard asked, calmly.

"A pair of silver cufflinks and his majesty's red signet ring."

Richard pretended to think hard for a moment, hoping he wasn't exaggerating his concern too much, "No, I can't say I have. You could ask Mr Miller if he has though."

"He hasn't, I asked earlier."

"Hmm, well this is strange."

"Indeed it is," Mr Wilson said in an exasperated manner. "I have no choice but to search everyone's rooms, your's too Mr Ellis."

"Of course, I understand," Richard agreed. He had already thought of that, and had made extra care as to hide any traces of his and Thomas' relationship very well indeed, counting on Mr Wilson not being willing to pull up the floorboards.

...

Richard was still maintaining a cool exterior whilst inside he was like a caged bird. He knew this was the moment when his plan would either be a success or a total failure. So when the anxious pleas of innocence came down the stairs, along with Mr Wilson's angry bellowing voice, Richard had a hard time trying not to sigh with relief. "But sir, I never took any of those things!" Arthur cried as they neared the bottom of the stairs.

"And what about the other things? The gold buttons and the emerald ring! These went missing months ago!" Mr Wilson shouted. Now that did get Richard's attention. He never planted those things in Arthur's room. He realised then that he accidentally had helped catch a real thief, which made his plan even better. It was never his intention though to get Arthur Bennett arrested and sent to prison. It may have fixed his problem for several years, but wouldn't stop Arthur from coming back for revenge years later. No, he had a better solution than that.

"I should call the police right this instant!" Mr Wilson shouted. Despite how much Richard despised Arthur, he couldn't help but feel a little sorry for him at this moment.

"Sir, if I may?" Richard began, as he stood up.

"What!" Mr Wilson said angrily.

"Well I think doing that may be a bad idea, and perhaps a little hasty," Richard said. "Could I have a word in your office please?"

Mr Wilson took a deep breath, and calmed for a moment. "Follow me," he said.

Richard shut the door and stood until Mr Wilson invited him to sit. "Well?" Mr Wilson asked.

"Whilst I understand your anger at having had a thief under this roof unknowingly for what appears to be a long time now, I don't believe calling the police to arrest him, to be the best solution," Richard said.

"He shouldn't go unpunished, Mr Ellis, surely you can see that?"

"I agree sir," Richard made sure to call him sir as much as possible during this conversation, he knew Mr Wilson liked being called that, it made him feel important. "However, if he is arrested and then convicted and sent to prison, despite any attempt at the palace to cover this up, word will be sure to get out eventually that Mr Bennett stole from the king for what possibly may have been months. The king's enemies would take full advantage of this, that is certain. It will become a global scandal, something that the king does not need." Mr Wilson seemed to be considering what Richard was saying very carefully. "Also sir, it wouldn't look very good for you if word got out that a man who you are responsible for could get away with such a crime for so long."

Mr Wilson nodded slowly, "Yes, perhaps you are right. He will leave in the morning, that will give me some time to think of what to write in his reference, to explain his rather sudden departure."

Richard smiled, "Very good sir. I'm sure you'll be able to think of something suitable to write."

...

Richard went to bed feeling rather proud of his achievements. Was it bad that he enjoyed that? In an ideal world he would have loved to have seen Mr Bennett marched off by several policemen, since it is what the other man had intended for him. However, he would still be rid of him and he and Thomas could see each other again. This whole incident had shaken him deeply though and it would have hurt Thomas too. He hoped that Thomas would still want him. Things weren't over yet though. There was still one part of the plan that he needed to execute.

...

The next morning after breakfast, Richard had seen a solum looking Arthur Bennett coming out of Mr Wilson's office. Richard left it a little while, but then went up to the men's corridor and knocked on the slightly open door or Arthur's room. This was the hardest part. "So you're getting out of here then?" Richard asked.

"What's it to you?" Arthur grumbled, whilst putting a shirt into his case.

"Well, maybe you are lucky. After all, we hear a lot these days about staff in great houses taking on a change in career." Richard said as he tried not to sound too pleased.

Arthur just looked back at him with a glare as he clicked his case shut and walked towards the door and Richard. "I must go," he said.

"Yes you should," Richard said, a little more coldly. Just as Arthur reached for the door handle, Richard put his hand on the door, stopping Arthur from opening it. "I think you should know, that if it wasn't for my kind words on your behalf to Mr Wilson, then you'd be in a prison cell right now." Richard lowered his tone, "So if you ever dare to mention what you know about me to another soul, mark my words Mr Bennett, I will be the first to go to the police and tell them exactly what you have done. I'd be willing to bet that people wouldn't take kindly to a man who stole from the king himself. Some may even consider it a form of treason." Richard was surprised at the tone of malice in his voice, he rarely spoke that way to anyone. Seeing the look in Arthur Bennett's eyes was enough to tell him that his threat had gotten through to the man. Satisfied, he removed his hand from the door, and the former footman of Buckingham Palace scuttled out.

Richard, peaked out of the room to make sure no one was around to see him leave, before going to his own room. Once he shut the door, he breathed out a shaky breath and sat down on the edge of his bed. He smiled, as he knew it was finally over. He also knew that the first thing he was going to do as soon as he could get free from work in the afternoon.

...

Later that day, Richard rushed down to the nearest post office, hoping he'd get there before it shut. He had a telegram to send.


	8. 8

**A few days later...**

Thomas must have re-read that telegram a thousand times by now. When he first saw it, he couldn't beleive it. The telegram didn't give much away of course, it didn't answer the questions that had been burning in his mind for months now, but he would be seeing him soon. When the sun sets today, he would see him. Thomas was still worried that Richard was only gonna meet with him to put him out of his misery, but as the sun rose in the morning, he had felt something he hasn't felt in a long time. Hope. He looked down at the telegram that was sitting on his desk again, and smiled.

Throughout the day, he had been trying to do as much as possible to try and distract himself from every thought, the good and the bad ones, that were floating around in his mind still. It was odd because one moment, he'd feel full of happiness, like everything was possible. Then the next he'd feel terrible, wondering how he was gonna cope with any bad news. By the time the evening was approaching, and all the the staff were sitting down to their evening meal, Thomas didn't feel like eating anything. Mrs Hughes and Miss Baxter were the only ones who knew the contents of the telegram, since they had been kind enough to help him through this, and because he felt he could trust them, he'd shown them the message. Mrs Hughes gave him an encouraging smile and told him to eat something, or he will feel hungry later on. He ate, but only for the sake of it. 

Immidiately after dinner had finished, Thomas rushed out to grab his coat and hat from his room. He checked his pocket watch, the golden one that Richard had brought for him from Selfridges in London on their last trip away together. He hadn't felt like wearing it recently, it reminded Thomas too much of Richard and, although he cherished the memories of their time together, during those darkest moments, even those happy memories were too much. "You off then?" Miss Baxter said to Thomas, as he came down the stairs. By the look on her face, she must have sensed his unease at dinner.

"Yeah," Thomas said, not managing to say much else.

"It will be fine, take a deep breath. He wouldn't come all this way if he didn't still care about you," Miss Baxter said, glancing at the gold pocket watch in Thomas' hand. He'd never mentioned where that had come from, but he held it so tenderly, she guessed it was a gift from Richard at some point. Thomas smiled, trying to look confident. "Now go, you don't want to keep him waiting."

...

Thomas sat on the same bench he had sat on only a few days ago, when he had taken his razor blade with him. How things can change with only a little time, he thought, smiling in victory at knowing that the blade was lying somewhere on the bottom of the river bed. The sun had just fallen below the horizon. He had sat there for ages watching it, the golden semicircle of red and yellow getting lower and lower, until only a pinprick of light remained for a moment, until that finally disappeared too, leaving an orange glow in its wake. Despite it being a cold November evening, the birds tweeting around him made it feel more like spring. A blackbird landed on a branch in front of him near the river, tweeting tunefully, until its partner landed next to it. They sat there for a while tweeting to each other before flying off towards the woods together.

Richard stood in the small gathering of trees behind the seat that Thomas was sitting on near the river. He wasn't sure why he was just standing there watching him. It had been so long and he just liked to see him, to appreciate him being there for a moment. He was nervous. He didn't get nervous that often, he knew Thomas saw him as the confident one, most people saw him that way really. But there was the one person he had been desperate to see for a long time now, just sitting there. The soft but cold breeze hitting his face reminded him that this wasn't a dream, it was real.

Thomas had been watching the world around him fade into the stillness of night for a while now, that he'd almost forgotten why he was sitting here in the first place. Almost, but not quite, as a crunch of leaves behind him, reminded him, and he woke from his little daydream. He looked up, but didn't turn around, as footsteps came closer. He closed his eyes and held his breath. Yes it was, he thought, those footsteps of that man, he'd know anywhere. He still hadn't turned his head, when the footsteps stopped next to him and the wooden seat he was on flexed a little, as he sat down next to Thomas. Thomas then turned to his right and smiled. Richard. 

Richard didn't say anything as Thomas turned to face him. God he had missed him, he thought. He had missed his face and his smile. His real smile, that was meant only for him, and the way it made his eyes light up. It was still daylight though getting dimmer by the second. Still neither of them spoke, each of them not able to take their eyes of the other. Thomas made the first move by gently taking Richard's hand, whilst looking into Richard's eyes asking him silently,  _ Is this still what you want? _ and Richard answering by moving in closer to Thomas, squeezing his hand before kissing him gently, _ Yes it is. _ Thomas pulled back after that moment, and looked to his side down the path that led to the village green, where he could still hear the sounds of the village in the evening. "Let's go somewhere," he said, turning back to Richard.

They walked up the path away from the village, towards the edge of the woods where they had sat down together before, a few years ago. They walked side by side for the first part of the way, but as they got further away from the village and more out on their own, Thomas took Richard's hand again, the sky getting darker around them. They walked up a steeper slope towards the edge of the woods, and then further in, so they were amongst the trees a little, but not so much that they were in amongst the darker shadows the trees provided. Here they stopped, underneath several tall evergreen trees. They stood there a moment in the silence, until with what felt like a rush of energy, they each pulled the other into a tight embrace. Thomas wrapped his arms around Richard's waist, Richard doing likewise to Thomas. "I've missed you so much," Thomas said when he managed to control his beating heart enough so that he could hear the sound of his own voice. 

"I'm so sorry Thomas," Richard said, "I didn't mean to cause you any pain. I love you. I always will," They kissed. Frantic chaotic kisses at first, making up for the unbearable time they had been forced to spend apart, before falling into their calmer and gentler rhythm that they'd known before. They stay like this for ages, until they are alone in the dark, that protects them once again. Each discovering the other again, finding their footing again in their complicated but absolutely worth it, relationship. Thomas ran his fingers through the hair on the back of Richard's head, taking in everything about him that he was so scared of losing forever. Richard, drank in the taste of Thomas' lips and tongue, he's had whisky before coming to meet him, he thought. He could feel the chain from the pendant he gave Thomas after their first kiss around Thomas' neck under his shirt. After a while, they sat down at the base of a tree, it was a bit damp on the ground underneath, but neither of them seemed to either notice or care.

"Were you okay?" Thomas said after a while, not letting go of Richard for a second.

Richard sighed, "I got into trouble. I was stupid. My mother said to me to be careful, that love makes us do stupid things. I left a letter from you out on the table. Long story short, some bastard tried to blackmail me. It's over now though, he won't bother us again." Richard laughed a little, in spite of himself, when he saw the look of shock flash over Thomas' face when he said that last sentence. "Nothing sinister like that, I promise. The man is still breathing if that what you're thinking." Thomas laughed, and kissed the side of Richard's head gently. "But I don't want to talk about him right now, I will tell you everything that happened another time. I don't have much time here."

"What do you mean?" Thomas asked, concerned.

"Only that well, technically I don't have this time officially off work. I got the afternoon and evening off, but I have to be back at the palace tomorrow morning. I mean, tonight really. But I doubt the king would need his valet in the middle of the night, so I doubt I'll be missed. I caught the earliest train I could to get up here, and I have to get a night train to get back to London for the morning. I suppose I could have telephoned you from Izzie's place to tell you all this but, I had to see you myself. I needed to know you were okay. Are you okay Thomas?"

"I wasn't, I was a mess to be honest Richard. But I'm okay now. I was worried about you, but I'm okay now. We're okay?" 

"Yeah, we're okay," Richard said whilst he smiled, and kissed Thomas again for a while longer. "I will have to go soon, but I will have some time free at the end of the year just after christmas. I will come and see you then, and we can spend some proper time together. I would come sooner, but I have to let things smooth over a bit at the palace. As you can imagine, the servants talk about nothing else and my blackmailer spread several unwelcome rumours about me. I need to let them fade a bit before I come and see you. But I promise that I will."

Thomas nodded, he didn't want Richard to leave his side ever again, but he understood the reasons why. They were sensible. Besides, he had a date when he'd see him again. "Make sure you sleep on the train a bit darling, don't want you to dress his majesty back to front or anything."

Richard laughed, "I will promise I'll try." They really were okay. They just fell back into how they were before all this trouble. It's just so natural between them both, so normal, Richard thought.

...

Later on back at Downton, Thomas looked out the window of his room at the cold and clear night sky. He smiled and despite having to wait a month or so to see Richard again, he felt good. He was doubtful that he'd sleep at all, but only because he was bursting to tell someone about how fantastic everything is and that Richard and him were okay. However, Thomas slept peacefully, for the first time in months, the recent kisses from Richard Ellis still fresh on his lips.


	9. 9

**Several weeks later...**

_ I know I mentioned this before, but I am definitely free to come and see you a few days before New Year's Day, my dear. December 30th I think. I will travel to Yorkshire the day before and visit my parents before I come to see you. I wanted to give you some warning so that you have more of a chance of having as much free time as possible. I know you will be busy, but I will come to you even if you are working to be honest. It's only been a few weeks, but already my love, it's been too long. I want to spend a few days with you. Maybe there is still some mistletoe hanging up somewhere in the house that we could make good use of? I've never kissed anyone underneath the mistletoe before. I wish I could spend Christmas day with you, but that is pretty much impossible due to the nature of both our jobs. I hope, however, we can make up for it a little. I can see your smile at that, I can see what is going through your mind. That isn't what I was suggesting, although now I think of it, that may not be such a bad idea after all! _

Thomas smiled as he put down the letter. It was the first letter he had received from Richard since they met several weeks ago. They had agreed not to write to each other for a while, in case it gave folks at the palace reason to gossip once more. Thomas was a little concerned that it would take a long time for any talk to blow over. However, as the Christmas season approached, thoughts and talk turned to that and the matter of Richard's secret relationship and his blackmailer were forgotten about. "Good news?" Mrs Bates asked Thomas, who was sitting at the table in the servants hall during the mid-afternoon, as she came into the room.

Thomas still had an instinct inside of him, to hide the letter and deny everything, although he was then reminded that these people were on his side. He owes it to them to be truthful. "Letter from Richard," he said, trying to suppress the growing smile on his face and the blush on his cheeks. "He's coming to Yorkshire in December after Christmas to visit his parents...and me."

"Oh lovely!" Mrs Bates said. "Is he able to stay here long?"

"A few days maybe, up until New Year," Thomas said quietly.

"Well make sure he comes here to visit us lot too if he can. I know everyone here likes him. Tell him he's welcome."

"Yes I will. He'd like that," Thomas said, folding the letter over whilst standing up. Despite the chill of winter, Thomas felt comfortably warm.

**December 30th**

Thomas, wrapped up in what felt like every coat he owned, walked out to the woods to meet Richard in the afternoon. It was freezing. The chilling winter air cooled every part of him. It had snowed that morning, lightly at first, then heavier, the flakes becoming bigger, covering everything that they touched in a thick layer of crisp white snow. The children at the Abbey had been outside playing all morning. It was the perfect ending to the Christmas season for them. Thomas liked the snow too, as long as it didn't stop Richard from visiting. He hoped he'd still be able to get in from York after visiting his parents. Thomas shivered as he stood under the trees, where the thickness of the snow on the ground was less, and started to think maybe they should have met somewhere inside and warm. Richard was a bit late now, but Thomas needn't have worried as not too long after he saw Richard stomping through the snow up the slope towards him.

"Sorry I'm late, I had to walk part of the way. The bus got stuck, wheels skidding but not going anywhere I'm afraid," Richard said, as he approached Thomas, before taking Thomas's face in his hands and kissing him, warming Thomas' lips with his own for a moment. "You're freezing, you haven't been here long have you?"

"Not too long," Thomas said, enjoying the feeling of warmth he felt on his face from Richard. Thomas looked at Richard and chuckled.

"What?" Richard asked, amused.

"That's a very impressive scarf. Never seen a scarf with so many colours, or one so big come to think of it."

"Oh that. Yes, a gift from my mother. She had been kitting it for months apparently, and judging by the length of it, I think she may have gotten carried away a little," Richard said, unwrapping the scarf from around his neck and letting it fall to either side of him to demonstrate. Both ends of the scarf, which was made up of stripes of practically every colour imaginable, almost reached the floor. "She insisted I wear it today to come and see you. It is rather warm though, which can only be a good thing on a day like today."

"Is she going to make you a pair of gloves to match?" Thomas asked.

Richard laughed, "I imagine she is making them as we speak!" The two men laughed for a moment, before kissing again, long and deep, although the grace of the situation was being impaired slightly by Richard's massive scarf.

"What's in the bag?" Thomas asked a few minutes later, looking down to the bag at Richard's feet.

"Oh, a little idea I came up with yesterday for us. I was wondering what we could do out in freezing conditions like this and then it came to me as I was looking through the garden shed at my parents place yesterday. Are there any frozen ponds nearby? One where the ice is a good thickness?"

"Yeah, a few," Thomas answered, with a hint of suspicion and curiosity.

Richard smiled and clapped his hands together, "Perfect!" he exclaimed. "Right, you show me the way to the nearest one." He said with childlike excitement as he grabbed the bag at his feet.

...

"Are you going to tell me what all this is about?" Thomas asked, as the two men stood next to a frozen pond. Richard answered by pulling two pairs of ice skates out of the bag he was carrying, grinning triumphantly. "Are you having a laugh?" Thomas asked, folding his arms, trying to look displeased, but failing to do so.

"Why not? It's a bit of fun and I know I have the shoe size correct. I have picked your shoes up from a bedroom floor enough to know what your shoe size is. I used to skate a little as a child, nothing much but I can stand up without falling over. I bought these a few years ago at a market in London. Only had the opportunity to use them once."

"This is a bad idea," Thomas said. "I mean I've never done that, I'll probably fall over, break every bone in my body, and then Downton will be without a butler for months. Or even worse, they'll replace me with Mr Carson again, as he wouldn't be so stupid to try this."

"It will be fine. I'll keep you upright and I bet you, after a while you will enjoy it so much you will be begging for more!" Richard said, putting his ice skates on and handing the other pair to a reluctant Thomas.

"Richard, I never beg for anything."

Richard raised an eyebrow, "Hmm, well I am pretty sure you were begging me for more in our bedroom in London that time."

Thomas' mouth fell open, before he pushed Richard playfully. Richard hadn't flirted with him for a while. Thomas decided he couldn't say no to the man now. "Fine, but you will have to carry me back to Downton if this goes wrong." Richard stepped onto the ice tentatively, checking its strength. 

"Hmm, seems good," he said, offering his hand to Thomas. 

"What if it breaks?" Thomas asked, as the ice creaked a little beneath them both.

"Can you swim?" Richard asked.

"Yeah, but I don't fancy doing any of that in these conditions."

"That's why I asked for a pond and not a lake, if the worst comes to the worst, it won't be too deep," Richard said, grabbing Thomas with both hands as he saw Thomas wobble a bit too much.

"Right, well that's reassuring," Thomas said sarcastically. Richard moved around behind Thomas, all the time not letting go. He held his hands around Thomas' waist, steadying him.

"See this isn't so bad is it?" Richard asked, his warm breath tickling the back of Thomas' earlobe.

The shudder of pleasure ran down Thomas' back, as he relaxed into this odd embrace on the middle of a pond. "I suppose I would have to agree." Thomas said, turning his head slightly to look back at Richard behind him. The two of them moved forward, Richard guiding Thomas. Thomas slowly felt his confidence building. Richard, sensing this, let's go for a moment, before moving around to face Thomas, taking him by the hands in some sort of ungraceful dance. They both wobbled again, and laughed nervously as they steadied themselves again. They went on like this for ages, until Richard got a little too overconfident and decided to try skating backwards on his own. This he managed just about. Thomas however, realising he was on the ice on his own for a moment, without much of an idea of how to stop moving, panicked and slipped, falling with a thud onto his front, sliding across the ice like a penguin. 

Richard laughed, "Oh dear! Are you okay?" he said, coming over to rescue his partner.

"Yeah, just my dignity is broken, but nothing else I don't think. I'm very glad no one else but you saw that. They'd never let me forget it."

"Well, I've never had you fall at my feet before!" Richard said with a wink.

Thomas rolled his eyes at that remark, "Perhaps we should call it a day. It's cold, and I can't feel my feet. Come back to Downton with me. I have been asked to bring you along. They would like to see you."

"That would be lovely yes," Richard said, as the two of them stepped off the surface of the frozen pond, the grey clouds above them once again, bringing the promise of snow.


	10. 10

The wind was starting to pick up again, and the snow starting to fall heavily again when Thomas and Richard made it back to Downton, just as the light was starting to fade from the sky in the late afternoon. They burst through the back door, laughing as the snow clung to their coats and shoes, faces red from the wind and the cold. Richard was able to shake the worst of it off his coat and his massive multicoloured scarf. Thomas however, thanks to his misadventures on the frozen pond was a bit worse off, snow clinging to the front of him from when he fell across the ice. "Well Thomas you must be the most untidy butler I have ever come across," Richard said, with mock criticism, whilst brushing the snow off his coat.

"I'm not the only one though am I? Your scarf is soaking, what will your mother say?" Thomas replied, trying to make himself look a little more presentable, and most likely failing.

"Now you make me sound like I'm seven years old or something." Thomas just laughed at that. Richard stepped a little closer towards him, brushing the snow from Thomas' shoulders and hair, before resting his hands on Thomas' shoulder again. Thomas shivered, though whether it was from the cold or Richard's touch, he wasn't certain, as he smiled into Richard’s eyes.

"My goodness! Look at the state of you two!" Mrs Hughes said, seeing the two men standing near the door. "Give those coats of yours here, I'll get them dried off."

"Good to see you again Mrs Hughes," Richard said, whilst handing over his coat and scarf.

"Anna was hoping you would be able to pop in to visit. Go into the kitchen and get Daisy to make you two a cup of tea, to warm you through." Mr Hughes said, as the three of them walked down the hallway. "This is a very impressive scarf Richard."

Thomas chuckled at that, "Yes it was a gift from my mother for christmas," Richard said, smiling back at Thomas, thinking about how he'd joked about the same thing earlier that afternoon. Mrs Hughes, practically herded them in the direction of the kitchens to warm up, before taking their coats off to be dried. "She is very motherly towards you, I've noticed." Richard said to Thomas.

"I suppose she is, isn't she? It's nice really," Thomas said simply, lost in a private thought for a moment.

...

Later on that evening, Richard was still sitting at the table with Thomas and the others, after staying for dinner. Thomas was beginning to realise that Richard enjoyed talking, rather a lot. Thomas wasn't able to get a word in sideways most of the time, during dinner. He wasn't too bothered by that though, he'd never been one for making conversation. Besides, he enjoyed watching how everyone was enjoying Richard's company. He made them laugh by the stories from his many trips around the country and indeed the world, that he had taken as valet to the King. He was a good storyteller and entertainer, though Thomas knew that from the very first day they met, after playing that prank on the royal footmen.

"So what were you and Thomas doing this afternoon to get so covered in snow?" Daisy asked suddenly, not holding back as usual. Thomas smirked, at what some of the people around the table might have instantly thought at that question.

Richard of course, remained composed as he answered. "Ice skating. I attempted to teach your butler how to ice skate." This answer was met with a few gasps and giggles, and everyone turned to look at Thomas at that moment, who was feeling himself going more and more red by the second, and not from the cold this time. Richard looked towards Thomas too, but was asking him with a look, if he could continue the story. Thomas smiled back, so Richard continued. "When I was at my parents house yesterday, I came across a couple of pairs of ice skates of mine. I found them at a market in London several years back. I used to skate on a pond when I was a child, not very good I warn you but enough to be able to skate without falling over too often." Richard paused and smiled at Thomas for a moment, thinking about their time on that pond this afternoon. It was very hard to put the thoughts of his hands on Thomas' hips, and the way that Thomas had leaned back into him, as they stood close together on the ice earlier that afternoon, out of his mind. "Thomas on the other hand, wasn't so fortunate. He did okay to begin with, but then lost his balance and fell flat on his face, and skid right across the pond to the edge!" Once again, Richard's storytelling made everyone at the table laugh, and Thomas found himself laughing with them, in spite of himself being the subject of the joke. The old Thomas, years ago, would already be plotting ways to get back at Richard for making him appear a fool, but not anymore.

"I only slipped and fell, because you let go of me," Thomas said. "Richard you see, might be a bit of a show off at times. Thought he'd try skating backwards, and didn't give me any warning beforehand."

"I managed to though, didn't I?" Richard replied.

"Yes, though you wobbled."

"Not as much as you did before you fell. It was like watching a lamb take its first steps," Richard replied, everyone else finding this mock argument between Mr Ellis and their butler rather amusing. Thomas responded by leaning over and shoving Richard playfully. This was turning out to be one of the best evenings Thomas has had in a long while.

...

"The snow is still falling, rather heavily. I doubt you'll be able to get back to York this evening, Mr Ellis," Mr Bates said. It was getting towards late evening, by normal standards the last bus to York would be leaving soon.

"I wasn't planning on going back there tonight, I was gonna stay in the village somewhere," Richard replied.

Mrs Hughes came back into the servants hall, "I just checked on your coats and they are a lot drier than before. However, we can't send you out in weather like this, even if it's just down to the village. When are you due back in London?"

"Not until January 2nd, I was lucky to get a decent amount of time off this year," Richard replied.

"Well, in that case why don't you stay here for the next few days? We have several of the men's rooms that aren't really used anymore, so we have the room." Thomas was rather surprised by this, and looked at Richard for a response.

"I wouldn't like to be in the way at all. You must be very busy this time of year," he said.

"Nonsense, you entertained us all this evening with all your stories of your adventures, it's the least we could do. Besides, this year the new year celebrations promise to be extra special. Lord Grantham has apparently arranged for some fireworks to be let off on the countdown to the new year at midnight on new year's eve," Mrs Hughes, paused and looked at Thomas. "Of course, though it is up to Mr Barrow really."

Thomas paused for a moment, wondering if this was a good idea, having Richard sleeping underneath the same roof as him and everyone else. However, he wanted as much time as possible with Richard, so decided to throw caution to the wind. "I think that we would all enjoy your company over the new year Richard."

"Then I will accept your kind invitation Mrs Hughes," Richard said, all the while not able to take his eyes off Thomas. When she left the room again, Thomas took Richard's hand in his underneath the table. This might just be the best post-christmas season he's ever had.


	11. 11

Phyllis Baxter crept as silently as she could along the corridor leading past the servants bedrooms on her way to the bathroom, the creaking floorboards not making it easy for her. It was early morning, and they all still had several hours of sleep left until 6am. The hallway had electric lighting now, though she didn't turn it on, for fear of waking someone due to the light. If she had turned it on, she wouldn't have noticed the light coming from underneath Mr Barrow's door. She thought that was odd, given the hour and automatically wondered if he was alright. Maybe he had fallen asleep with the light on, being in charge must be very draining sometimes, she thought. She stopped near the door and was thinking about knocking and seeing if he was okay, when she heard noises from inside the room, from another person. Another man. Talking and even a few giggles. Now that surprised her, never thought Thomas would giggle. She quietly stepped away. It didn't take much thinking to know who was in Thomas' room with him.

**Several moments earlier**

Thomas and Richard lay entwined in bed, Richard lying half on half off Thomas, their legs perfectly tangled up below the covers, Richard lying partly on his side, one arm around Thomas' hip, the other up underneath the back of Thomas' head. Thomas' arms wrapped around Richard's muscular back, his hands taking full advantage of this rare moment that they are having together, by slowly moving up and down Richard's spine, giving Richard pleasant shivers in the process. Each giving the other slow and passionate kisses, whilst enjoying the feel of their skin touching fully for the first time in what had felt like years. Earlier in the evening, after everyone had gone to bed, when Richard had knocked in the agreed pattern- three quick knocks, a gap then another single knock, Thomas wasn't sure if this was a good idea. He knew it wasn't. The walls weren't thick and the door didn't have a lock. Whilst people seemed to be okay with his relationship with Richard, he couldn't be sure they'd be okay with all aspects of their relationship. But he couldn't resist him. The way he slipped in through the door without making a sound, taking a chair in the room, and propping it up underneath the doorknob as a kind of makeshift lock- again without making a sound. He said nothing as he took off his shirt and took Thomas in his arms, pulling him close as he kissed him, with the sort of kiss that would only happen when the two of them were truly alone. It had been far too long, and there were far too many moments in recent months when he wondered if he'd ever be with Richard like this again. What followed in the next couple of hours was shear perfection as far as Thomas was aware, the only complaint he had was that they both had to use a pillow or a hand to muffle their cries and moans during those moments of euphoria, where neither could control the sounds coming from their mouths.

They had left the light on, and whilst it was probably a good idea to switch it off to stop drawing any unnecessary attention to Thomas' room, Thomas was so comfortable in Richard's embrace that he didn't want to disturb the moment to get out of bed to switch it off. Their kisses had stopped either of them from talking for a while, although Thomas eventually pulled back and looked into Richard's eyes for a little before speaking. "You know, you never told me about how you solved that trouble with the person who tried to blackmail you?"

"You want to talk about that now?" Richard asked, as he looked back into Thomas' eyes.

"You know me, I'm curious. It worked so must have been brilliant," Thomas said, pressing a kiss into Richard's lips, by way of encouragement.

"It was risky. I knew that giving into his demands would never work. He'd only try to blackmail me again, and I could never report him for doing so. I decided the only way was to give him a bitter taste of his own medicine so to speak."

Thomas raised his eyebrows, intrigued. "That sounds like something I would have done once."

Richard chuckled, "I actually got the idea from you. I was at a loss as to how to fix this, and I was thinking about you one evening, when the idea came to me. I don't know, I guess I must have been inspired by some of the things you told me you did years ago to get back at people."

"Things I'm not exactly proud of."

"No, but I'm very glad you told me. It was inspiration for a cunning plan indeed." Richard said, with a note of mischief in his voice.

"Anyway, I decided to blackmail him back, in a way. I took some valuables from the King's rooms and planted them in his room. These items were reported missing and Mr Wilson, demanded that all our rooms would be searched. As I planned, they found the stolen items. However, it worked out better than I thought as it turned out they discovered other items that had been missing for a while in his room too. My scheming actually caught a real thief!"

"So, was he arrested?" Thomas asked.

"No, I managed to persuade Mr Wilson not to report this to the police and to dismiss him with a reference."

Thomas looked confused, "Why would you help him? After what the bastard did to you, to us?"

"I wanted to see him marched away by the police badly, believe me, as it's what he intended for me. But it wouldn't have suited us Thomas. He would have been released years later, he'd know who was behind his arrest and he could have come for me. Besides it gave me the opportunity to ensure that he'd never hurt you or me again. I made sure he knew that if he ever said anything about what he knew about us, that his crimes would be exposed too. I reckon stealing from the crown would land a very severe punishment indeed."

"Wow Richard, I am impressed, probably shouldn't be but I am," Thomas said,not bothering to hide the note of pride in his voice. "So you stole from the King himself to be with me again?"

Richard smiled, "I suppose I did."

"I love you," Thomas whispered as he kissed Richard again, the two men quiet for a moment. "Don't take unnecessary risks in the future please?"

"You'd do the same though right?"

"Of course, though my plan would probably not be so well thought through. You are better at all that than me." Thomas shifted and the two of them ended up swapping positions, Thomas now looking down on Richard. "This is real isn't it? I'm not dreaming, that for once things actually worked out in my favour?"

"No you're not, Mr Barrow. I'll prove it to you." And with that Richard suddenly released himself from Thomas' embrace and ducked down underneath the covers, causing Thomas to release a very unmanly giggle, which was soon followed by a deep gasp. Thomas gripped the sheets with his fists. He was gonna need the pillow again.


	12. 12

Thomas was rudely woken by the sound of his clock ringing. He turned over and silenced it, with a groan, and rolled back over, his arm falling over Richard, who was still lying next to him. "Thought the hall boy woke you lot in the morning?" Richard said, still groggy with sleep.

"Normally yes. But you need time to get back to your room before everyone else is up," Thomas said, pushing himself up against Richard, not wanting him to go.

"Well least I sort of got to wake up next to you," Richard replied, stroking the back of Thomas' head.

"Really hate that you have to go at all, its not fair that you can't just stay."

"I know," Richard said before kissing him. "But if we want more of this then I should go. I have another two nights here, I'd like to spend them with you."

Thomas smiled at that. "Shouldn't have bothered giving you another room then, should we? Since you're not gonna use it."

"Yes. Would have been more efficent for me to stay in this room for my visit." Richard kissed Thomas again, before reluctantly getting out of bed and dressed enough for him to sneak out of Thomas' room, and back to his own.

"Hang on. Wait a moment, I'd better make sure no one is around out there," Thomas said, jumping out of bed and putting his trousers and shirt on. "I told the hall boy not to wake you though. You are technically a guest here so there is no need for you to get up at this insane hour like the rest of us. I'll get someone to bring a breakfast tray to your room."

They both stopped near the door, "That would be lovely thanks. Though I reckon I'll be up before too long. Early mornings are built into my mind sadly," Richard said. They both kissed again, savouring the moment. Thomas then opened the door and looked around, satisfied the coast was clear, he nodded to Richard silently, to leave. "One thing Thomas," Richard said, whilst leaving the room, "Good morning. Realised I never said that to you earlier." Thomas smiled, squeezing Richard's hand, before letting go and closing the door again.

...

Thomas yawned for the fourth time at breakfast, he was in good spirits because of his night spent in Richard's arms. He also felt good as once again, things had worked out well for him, no one suspected anything, and no one knew anything. Or so he thought. His yawns had gained the attention of a few of those seated near him. It was understandable to be tired at that time in the morning, but having woken most days for years on end at that time, it was unusual to appear so tired. "Did you not sleep well last night Mr Barrow?" Andy said as he came into the servants hall and sat opposite Daisy.

Thomas had to think quickly how to answer that question. "If I'm truthful, then my sleep was a little interrupted. One of those nights I guess, just kept waking up." The lie slipped easily out of him, but unlike years ago, he didn't like lying to people anymore. It made him feel guilty. But its not like he could tell them the truth:  _ I'm tired as I had little sleep because Richard and I spent most of our time having sex in my bed, whilst you lot were sleeping, blissfully unaware of the illegal activities happening only a few doors down from you! _ Thomas tried to resist blushing at the thought of everything that happened last night. Luckily the conversation turned to other things and Thomas breathed a sigh of relief, although he didn't notice the look Miss Baxter was trying to hide at Thomas’ explanation for his tiredness.

...

A few hours later, Richard came down to join Thomas in his office, while Thomas was going through any plans for the rest of the day and the New Year's celebrations happening later on in the evening. It reminded Thomas of how things were when Richard made his first visit to Downton after the royal visit. The two of them just enjoying being in each other's company, even if he was just sitting there in the same room as him, it felt good to know Richard was there with him. "Come in," Thomas answered a knock on the door. They had left the door slightly open, as to avoid any gossip as to what they were doing alone in Thomas' office. "Oh hello Miss Baxter," Thomas answered cheerily. He really was in a pleasant mood today. "What can I do for you?"

"Mr Barrow, Mr Ellis good morning" she said, greeting the two men, whilst looking a little nervous. "Mr Barrow, um I was wondering if I could have a word with you in private please. It's a rather delicate issue." She glanced at Richard.

"I've leave you to it Thomas," Richard said, getting up from his chair.

"No, you don't have to go," Thomas said to Richard. "Anything you say to me can be said in front of him, Miss Baxter," Thomas said.

"Unless you want me to leave," Richard said, not wanting to get in the way.

"No Mr Ellis, you can stay if you wish," Miss Baxter said, shutting the door behind her. Thomas indicated for her to sit down, Richard offering her his chair.

"Now what's this about?" Thomas asked.

"Well last night, I was on my way to the bathroom and I walked past your bedroom and noticed the light on. I was wondering if everything was okay you see, when I-" Miss Baxter stopped for a moment, feeling rather awkward. Richard already clicked as to what this was about, Thomas however, did not. "Well firstly I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or worried, and I'm not saying you should stop what you were doing but, I just want you two to be more careful in the future. After All, it could have been anyone who had heard you." Thomas still hadn't realised what this was about. "I heard voices from your room. You and um, Mr Ellis. Other types of noises also." The look of calm on Thomas' face suddenly changed as he realised what she was talking about. He didn't know how to respond. His automatic response to defend himself or deny everything. That would normally involve a threat of some sort, didn't apply here as Phyllis was a friend and she could be trusted. So he knew, assuming she hadn't told anyone else, which she wouldn't, that he had nothing to fear really. Which made the situation even more odd as he just wasn't used to people talking about these things with him. Thomas looked over to Richard who was leaning against the wall a few steps behind Miss Baxter. He knew by the look on Richard's face, who was clearly trying not to laugh, that this situation was not serious, like it would normally be. He was amongst friends after all. They both were.

"Right, well um-" Thomas paused, and ran his hand through his hair. "Thank you for your concern. I appreciate that you came to tell us. Can't have been an easy thing to discuss. You are a good friend Phyllis, not sure if I deserve such a good friend. I don't suppose I need to ask, but I trust you won't say anything about this to anyone else?"

"Of course not Thomas! I can keep a secret, you know that." She said, getting up to leave.

"I should thank you as well. After All, Thomas was only one half of the problem," Richard said to Miss Baxter.

"That's okay Mr Ellis. Just be careful though please. Maybe turn the light off next time?"

"Right. Um of course, thank you Miss Baxter," Thomas said, as she left the room closing the door behind her.

Thomas returned to his seat, and collapsed into it, breathing out another sigh of relief. The second that day. "Hmm, well I guess we weren't so unnoticed afterall.," Richard said, perching himself on the edge of the desk near Thomas. "You looked scared."

"Well I'm surprised you didn't. There are only a few people in this world who wouldn't run screaming to the nearest policeman, upon discovering such things." Thomas said, looking up at Richard.

"You are right. In any other case this situation would be a nightmare come true I know," Richard said seriously, silent for a moment. "But since I know who your friends are here and that she is one of them, I couldn't help but see the funny side of this situation."

"Oh yeah, like what?" Thomas challenged.

"Well," Richard thought for a moment. "One thing that came to mind is how would Mr Carson react to knowing the many things that you and I did in his old bedroom last night!" Thomas and Richard burst out laughing at that, like a couple of boys hearing a rude joke. 


	13. 13

Later on that day, after a very quick lunch, Thomas was running around like a mad thing trying to make sure everything was ready for the evening. The family were having a buffet dinner upstairs in the evening, which made things slightly easier for everyone downstairs, allowing them all to have some of the evening free for their own New Year's celebrations before the fireworks began at midnight. Thomas had of course organised a few christmas and new year's celebrations since becoming butler, but that didn't mean it got any easier. However, he liked to be kept busy. As did Richard apparently, who despite technically being on his own holiday, insisted that he could help.

"You don't need to, you know," Thomas said, after quickly finishing off his last few mouthfuls at lunch. "We have plenty of people to do everything."

"You look exhausted already Thomas," Richard said, touching Thomas' hand on top of the table for a moment. "Just by the fact that everyone seems to be eating lunch at separate times today, shows that you could do with a little extra help and since I'm here..." Despite it being the middle of the day, they were the only two sitting down for lunch at that moment. "Besides, what else am I going to do? I can't just sit here reading the paper while you lot are all rushing around, it wouldn't feel right."

Thomas of course, couldn't resist the way that Richard spoke to him or smiled at him. He was his weakness so had to accept his help. "Fine, if you insist, but you don't need to do anything major like serving lunch or anything. We can leave that to Andy. After they have eaten, the table settings need changing. Apparently, Lady Mary wants a red table cloth for the tables. More fitting with the time of year she says." Thomas rolled his eyes at that, making Richard laugh. "I know you're a valet technically, but you could help with that?"

"That will be fine, thanks."

"I should be thanking you I guess," Thomas said standing up from the table before adding, "I suppose it's the least you could do for keeping me up all of last night."

"Hmm, I reckon that's fair Mr Barrow. I'll see you around," Richard said, after running his hand across the back of Thomas' waist as he left the room, making Thomas shiver.

...

"Ah Barrow. Good to catch you, how are the preparations going for this evening?" Lord Grantham asked Thomas, as he was coming downstairs from the main gallery.

"Very well, M'lord," Thomas answered, putting on his more professional butler look on his face. "Mrs Patmore and Daisy are organising a buffet style dinner in advance and the men responsible for the firework display will be here a couple of hours before to set up and make sure everything is ready."

"Wonderful, good to hear things are running smoothly," Lord Grantham said.

"Yes M'lord. No need to bring Mr Carson back this time," Thomas said without thinking. "I'm sorry M'lord I didn't mean to say that."

"Don't worry about it, Barrow. Carson will be coming back but only as a guest, not in a professional capacity I assure you. It wasn't right that we passed you over so easily on the day of the royal visit. I'm sure you would have been very capable of running things during those days."

"It's alright M'lord, after all things worked out for the best in the end," Thomas said, thinking about his time out with Richard during the royal visit.

"Speaking of which, I heard that we have a guest from Buckingham Palace staying downstairs, one of the royal servants?"

"Yes M'lord. The royal valet, well one of them anyway," Thomas answered trying to keep his voice neutral. "I hope you don't mind M'lord, I realise that I never asked your permission for him to stay for a few days."

"No it's quite alright, Mrs Hughes asked on your behalf. It only surprises me that our staff are happy having a visitor from the royal household. From what I understand, they didn't exactly get on well during the royal visit," Lord Grantham said.

_ That's one way of putting it,  _ Thomas thought, remembering what plans they all hatched to get rid of the majority of the royal staff. "That is mostly true M'lord. Although Mr Ellis was more of an ally to us in truth."

"Well I hope he has a pleasant stay and enjoys the firework display. Should be quite a show," Lord Grantham said cheerily. Just at that moment, Richard walks out of the door that leads to the servants stairs, carrying a pile of red table cloths.

"Good afternoon M'lord," Richard says, greeting Lord Grantham.

"Ah you must be Mr Ellis, the King's valet?"

"Yes M'lord."

"I hope you don't feel obligated to help out, you are a guest afterall," Lord Grantham says to Richard.

"It's no trouble. I offered, Mr Barrow was looking a little tired, and there was a lot to be done. Besides, I don't like to sit idle," Richard said, shooting a quick smile to Thomas, which Lord Grantham noticed. He had heard the rumours that Barrow had a secret relationship with a man from London, and judging by the way that Thomas glanced back at Mr Ellis, he'd wager that this must be that man.

"Well thank you, and enjoy the rest of your time here," Lord Grantham said, before turning and walking off in the direction of the library.

"Does he know about you?" Richard asks Thomas once Lord Grantham was out of sight.

"I think he does. I think they all do, and have done so for a while," Thomas replies.

"So do they know about us?"

"The upstairs folk? I reckon they may have their suspicions."

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"No, strangely it doesn't. I know that if they had a problem with who I am, who we are, that they would have sacked me years ago. But they haven't. In fact, I learnt that it was Lord Grantham himself who was partly responsible for stopping me from being arrested after the incident with Jimmy years ago."

Richard smiled, "You don't know how lucky you are to have such liberal employers. Not many men like us can say that they have this relative safety,"

"I'm not sure what Lord Grantham would say at being called a liberal," Thomas said, raising an eyebrow. "But yes, I do realise how fortunate I am. In many ways."

...

Later in the afternoon, Thomas had finished everything on his list of preparations for the day, apart from a few last minute things. He had also finished arranging a surprise for Richard, that he had in mind for a few days now. "Richard, you got a minute?" Thomas said leaning around the corner of the door of Richard's room.

"Always have time for you Mr Barrow," Richard said, following Thomas out of his room and downstairs to Thomas's office. Once they were both inside, Thomas shut the door and stood in the middle of the room, a huge smile plastered on his face.

"Look up at the lampshade Richard," Thomas said. Richard looked up and laughed, hung underneath the light fitting was a neat bunch of mistletoe.

"Mistletoe!"

"I remember how you said you've never kissed anyone underneath it before. I know it's a little late after Christmas but I thought why not?" Thomas said, taking Richard's hand and pulling him slowly towards him underneath it, before letting go again and stepping backwards on his own until his back reached the wall, a few steps away.

"Well I can't kiss you underneath the mistletoe from over there," Richard said, still standing underneath the lampshade.

"No. You'll have to come and get me," Thomas said, teasingly. Richard indulged Thomas' idea of a game and stepped slowly towards him, taking Thomas' hands and placing them on his own hips, before walking backwards towards the mistletoe again.

"This better?" Richard said, pulling Thomas in closer.

"This is perfect," Thomas said quietly, before closing the gap between them and giving Richard his first under-the-mistletoe kiss.


	14. 14

**Later that day...**

"My goodness! Are they all for us?" Richard asked, referring to the two large crates of wine that were sitting on top of Thomas' desk.

"If by 'us' you mean the downstairs staff plus yourself, then yes," Thomas said, looking up from reading some papers on the small part of his desk that wasn't covered by the crates, and smiling at Richard. "His Lordship asked me to set these aside for tonight a while ago."

Richard perched himself on the corner of the desk. "Is he always this generous?" he said, picking up a bottle and looking at the label, "good stuff too."

"He's never ungenerous when it comes to Christmas and New Year's celebrations, but I feel that he has been more so this year."

Richard laughed. "It's a wonder that any of you are sober enough to work the next day!"

"Some of us may not be no," Thomas said, a few individuals coming to mind.

"What about you?" Richard said, folding his arms and smirking playfully.

"I've never been someone to get stupidly drunk," Thomas answered. "Those in charge cannot afford too."

"Well that didn't sound snobbish at all!" Richard said.

"You know what I mean."

"Of course. It would be a shame if the butler would be so unfit for work the next day that he would have to stay in bed the whole morning." Richard said, leaning down and kissing Thomas, making it very hard for Thomas to think straight.

"You know we could go somewhere else this evening, then come back to see the fireworks at midnight?" Thomas asked, leaning back in his chair.

"We could, although I actually would like to spend time with you, whilst in the company of others. That may seem a bit odd, but I don't want to have to sneak off all the time." Richard replied, hoping Thomas didn't mind.

"It's not odd, I get that. They will all be paired up, it will be nice to have you with me, even if you are only officially there as a dear friend. Besides you will be here tonight and tomorrow night, we can make up for lost time alone then I am sure."

"I think we have a good plan then Mr Barrow," Richard said, leaning down to kiss Thomas again, putting his hand on the arm of the chair to steady himself, trapping Thomas in the chair, but absolutely not against his will. They stayed that way, exchanging several meaningful kisses, Thomas trying to ignore the fact that the door was not locked.

Reluctantly, Thomas broke away, not wanting to tempt fate any longer. "We should take these wine crates out to the servants hall, before anyone comes looking," he said.

...

Later on, and everyone was gathered in the servants hall, enjoying the plentiful free wine and the music from the radio that had been newly installed in the room following christmas the year before. Until things became better for him, Thomas never had found the joy that others did in gathering like this. A couple of years he remembered making an excuse to miss the whole thing. The time was full of traditions, as was much of the christmas season, and he had never been one for traditions. This year though, he had a spring in his step, and a beaming smile. He understood what Richard meant about spending time with someone you love, whilst in the company of others. It was nice to be with someone, whilst being amongst everyone else, even if officially they were just friends. He knew that unofficially, they were more than just friends, and many others in the room knew that also. Thomas took on the role of pouring the wine into glasses, leaving the rest of the bottles for others to refill later on in the evening. He reckoned as the evening grew older that the glasses would no longer be needed, and that the wine would be drunk straight from the bottle by some. Not the way Mr Carson would have done things, but then he wasn't in charge now. As if summoned by the thought, Mr Carson walked into the room, greeted by his wife, Mrs Hughes. "Mr Barrow," Mr Carson said.

"Mr Carson, good to see you," Thomas said, shaking his hand in greeting.

"Good to see everything is going well, Mr. Barrow," Mr Carson said, casting an eye over things. "Though, I'd keep an eye on how many times Mr Moseley's glass is refilled. Mr Ellis, I didn't know you would be here," he said, as Richard walked over towards him and Thomas.

"I came to visit from London, to see my parents who live nearby, and I'd thought I would pop in and visit. The snow however, left me rather stuck here and Mrs Hughes was kind enough to invite me to stay over here for the next few days," Richard explained, smoothly like always.

"You've visited before I hear," Mr Carson said.

"Yes, unlike my colleagues at the palace, I rather enjoyed myself here during the royal visit, and I have felt welcome here, by everyone," Richard said, looking at Thomas for a second, when he said those last few words. Thomas was feeling a bit on edge with this conversation. Mr Carson was not comfortable with who Thomas was and would not be pleased to know the real reasons for Richard's many visits. He may have just been a bit paranoid, but he felt like all these questions from Mr Carson, were beginning to feel a bit like an interrogation. He'd known him long enough to recognise any suspicion in his voice. Mr Carson, looked like he was about to say something, though Thomas caught a look across the room from Mrs Hughes that seemed to stop whatever he was going to say.

"Well good to see you, Mr Ellis," Mr Carson said, shaking Richard's hand before going to join his wife across the room.

Thomas breathed out, not realising he had been holding his breath during the latter part of that conversation. "Are you okay?" Richard said.

"Yeah, just didn't like the way the conversation was going," Thomas said, taking another glass of wine for himself and giving another to Richard. "He is not okay with people like us," he added in a quieter tone, as they crossed the room and leant against the wall.

"I think you want to impress him," Richard observed.

Thomas, opened his mouth for a second, as he thought about denying that. He sighed, "I know."

"I think, despite what you say about his 'opinions' of you, he trusts and respects you. He is a perfectionist, I can see that, and he wouldn't have been happy for you to replace him as butler of Downton if he didn't trust and respect you Thomas."

Thomas finished his glass, "You always know the right thing to say. Thank you."

"I don't think I do, but you’re welcome Thomas. I'm not just saying it either, it is the truth. You are respected here," Richard said. They didn't say much else for a while, they were just content watching what was going on around them together. Thomas felt Richard's fingers brush his own, asking permission to be held, it was risky, but everyone was too distracted by the music and the good cheer to notice what they were doing, so he slowly allowed Richard's hand to link with his own. If this was all that would happen this evening, then Thomas would go into the new year happy.

...

As the evening neared midnight, they all walked, or stumbled in the case of a couple, outside onto the front lawns to watch the fireworks being let off, welcoming in the New Year. Thomas and Richard hung back a bit, wanting a little time alone in this moment. The settings for the fireworks were almost magical. The snow had stopped falling earlier in the morning, but a thick crisp white blanket still lay over the ground. The sky was clear, moonless, so all the stars were out in force. Richard was walking whilst looking upwards for most of the time, meaning it was a wonder that he didn't slip on any patches of ice or trodden in snow. "You see that?" Richard said, pointing up to the sky. Thomas slowed his pace and looked up in the direction Richard was pointing in. "The constellation of Gemini, the twins," Richard said. "Funny though, I always thought they just looked like two men holding hands."

"You're a romantic, I knew it," Thomas whispered.

They stood, a few minutes later, on the edge of the crowd of servants and the upstairs family, waiting for the fireworks to go off. Thomas looked around him at all the people who would be able to kiss their partner on the stroke of midnight. He didn't want to, but he felt bitter at the thought of that, and that he couldn't do the same. He knew he should be grateful for everything he does have, especially after all the troubles that he and Richard have faced over the past few months, but he wanted the same as everyone else. Was that so wrong? he thought. The clock chimed the first strokes of midnight and the first fireworks were let off, loud bangs with beautiful colours. He felt Richard jump, next to him, when the first bang went off. Thomas didn't have to think twice, when he took his hand. "I'm okay Thomas," Richard said, "Just a little bit of a shock, but they are not the same type of sounds that we heard, and these are accompanied by beautiful colours in the sky."

"Come on," Thomas said, as he took Richard by the hand and guided him away from the crowd, and over to a few evergreen trees that cast a shadow making the dark even darker. Everyone was too busy wishing each other happy new year and admiring the display to notice the two men, walking hand in hand over into the shadows. They stood for a moment, their faces occasionally illuminated by a flash from one of the fireworks going off above them. They were facing each other now, and had moved closer without even realising. These actions that had required thought, are now practically automatic, natural. They pull each other close, feeling the warmth of each other's breath against the cold night, another flash illuminating their faces before they close the gap between them with a kiss, slow and gentle, and precious. "Happy new year my love," Thomas says, pulling back slightly, his face still only an inch or so from Richard's. No more words needed to be said as they kissed again in each other's warm embrace, under the watchful gaze of the stars, as the fireworks went off above them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone's kind comments and for reading. I have another story that follows this one to upload soon.


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